"I don't know either," Jeremy says as he shakes his head, breathing in. "It's getting to the point where you really can't trust anyone, y'know? I mean, the moment you do..." There's the betrayal there, and it's not okay. Jeremy wishes that Tyler wouldn't blame himself, but he also knows in his position he would blame himself too.
It's not even completely about having a guilt complex so much as...
There's all this shit that constantly happens, endlessly happens over and over and over again, and it's out of their control, and he just- if he blames himself, if it's his fault (when Vicki was killed, when Anna was dragged away, when Jenna died, when Elena and Matt went over that bridge and she became a vampire), if he wasn't enough to stop it then it- then there's a reason for it. Then he can pretend like he has some kind of control over anything, he can pretend like what he does matters or makes a difference.
Because if he'd only tried harder, fought more, this never would have happened. It's damaging too, but living in a world where it feels like he has no control ever has its own damages.
Jeremy lets out a breath at the question, shaking his head. "I don't know." He really doesn't know, doesn't know what is going through Klaus' head, but he wants this cure so damn bad that he might not be willing to separate himself from it at least until it's all seen through.
He doesn't know.
"I just don't want-" He shakes his head, sliding a hand over his face. "Anyone else to die. You just lost your mom, and you shouldn't-" His voice cuts off in spite of himself, and he takes a drink.
Shouldn't have had to.
No one should have to but because of Klaus, because Klaus wanted to make him suffer, it just-
How do they live with all this anger and grief inside of him? He'll never know. Maybe that's why they never stop going. Why it's good they never stop, because if they did, they wouldn't be able to.
no subject
It's not even completely about having a guilt complex so much as...
There's all this shit that constantly happens, endlessly happens over and over and over again, and it's out of their control, and he just- if he blames himself, if it's his fault (when Vicki was killed, when Anna was dragged away, when Jenna died, when Elena and Matt went over that bridge and she became a vampire), if he wasn't enough to stop it then it- then there's a reason for it. Then he can pretend like he has some kind of control over anything, he can pretend like what he does matters or makes a difference.
Because if he'd only tried harder, fought more, this never would have happened. It's damaging too, but living in a world where it feels like he has no control ever has its own damages.
Jeremy lets out a breath at the question, shaking his head. "I don't know." He really doesn't know, doesn't know what is going through Klaus' head, but he wants this cure so damn bad that he might not be willing to separate himself from it at least until it's all seen through.
He doesn't know.
"I just don't want-" He shakes his head, sliding a hand over his face. "Anyone else to die. You just lost your mom, and you shouldn't-" His voice cuts off in spite of himself, and he takes a drink.
Shouldn't have had to.
No one should have to but because of Klaus, because Klaus wanted to make him suffer, it just-
How do they live with all this anger and grief inside of him? He'll never know. Maybe that's why they never stop going. Why it's good they never stop, because if they did, they wouldn't be able to.