Jeremy can't remember what that would be like. He really can't. He has been flung into this feeling of not being able to trust himself lately, and it's terrible especially when it comes to giving him the urges, making him hurt people that he loves. His sister.
He shakes his head, and he doesn't know what's better for Tyler to feel the guilt or for him to feel like it's pointless. It's something Jeremy has been struggling with for a long time. If only he'd been stronger, if only he'd had more power, he could have saved Vicki, Anna, Jenna, his sister, someone but everything he has ever done to try to save them was never enough. The only time he ever did save someone he had a crossbow in his hands, he had the meat cleaver and blood on his face and hands.
That was what hunting was supposed to be for him. It was supposed to be power and choice finally, some say in what was going on in the world around him. It's why he got so excited about the new powers he could feel, and then- then it ended up being like... this.
Now Tyler helped so many people break free of something that turned them into people who had to fall orders of a ruthless vampire who would use them and force them to do terrible things. He helped them break free at it at great pain and cost to themselves and to Tyler and- and he's left thinking that it was his fault they died. It's just- it doesn't seem right when Tyler did more for them than Jeremy's ever been able to do for anyone. And not by being something supernatural (not only that), he did it by being himself, by talking to them, by pushing them, by encouraging them when they were afraid and needed it.
"You gave them that at least even if it didn't last very long. They could make their own choices. They didn't have to feel grateful for being enslaved," Jeremy says quietly, and he looks over at him slowly, because it still hurts. It's always going to hurt. "They were meaningless to him. You remember how easily he sent in that hybrid to die when Connor took over the Grill. He would have done that to all of them eventually, made them kill people, do things they shouldn't have to do, and that-"
Knowing now what it feels like to kill without having any choice in it, knowing what it feels like to hurt the people he loves without hesitation because something inside of him is telling him to do it even though he doesn't want to-
He'd rather be dead than to have no other option.
Jeremy can't speak for everyone of those that died, and he won't, and maybe having died so much, having lost so many people makes him think dying's not the worst thing, but... What Tyler did for them was amazing. "I know you're always gonna feel guilty for it, but you gave them something really important... that I don't think anyone else could have done for them."
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He shakes his head, and he doesn't know what's better for Tyler to feel the guilt or for him to feel like it's pointless. It's something Jeremy has been struggling with for a long time. If only he'd been stronger, if only he'd had more power, he could have saved Vicki, Anna, Jenna, his sister, someone but everything he has ever done to try to save them was never enough. The only time he ever did save someone he had a crossbow in his hands, he had the meat cleaver and blood on his face and hands.
That was what hunting was supposed to be for him. It was supposed to be power and choice finally, some say in what was going on in the world around him. It's why he got so excited about the new powers he could feel, and then- then it ended up being like... this.
Now Tyler helped so many people break free of something that turned them into people who had to fall orders of a ruthless vampire who would use them and force them to do terrible things. He helped them break free at it at great pain and cost to themselves and to Tyler and- and he's left thinking that it was his fault they died. It's just- it doesn't seem right when Tyler did more for them than Jeremy's ever been able to do for anyone. And not by being something supernatural (not only that), he did it by being himself, by talking to them, by pushing them, by encouraging them when they were afraid and needed it.
"You gave them that at least even if it didn't last very long. They could make their own choices. They didn't have to feel grateful for being enslaved," Jeremy says quietly, and he looks over at him slowly, because it still hurts. It's always going to hurt. "They were meaningless to him. You remember how easily he sent in that hybrid to die when Connor took over the Grill. He would have done that to all of them eventually, made them kill people, do things they shouldn't have to do, and that-"
Knowing now what it feels like to kill without having any choice in it, knowing what it feels like to hurt the people he loves without hesitation because something inside of him is telling him to do it even though he doesn't want to-
He'd rather be dead than to have no other option.
Jeremy can't speak for everyone of those that died, and he won't, and maybe having died so much, having lost so many people makes him think dying's not the worst thing, but... What Tyler did for them was amazing. "I know you're always gonna feel guilty for it, but you gave them something really important... that I don't think anyone else could have done for them."