gorysortofstory | Open Mistletoe Shenanigans

He is. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to see that.

[ he frowns, leaning further into her touch. ]

I was banished after that. Banished because I was a disgrace, an honorless coward who spoke against the will of the Fire Nation and refused to fight in a formal bending duel. The only way I would be allowed to come back home would be to capture the Avatar — something that was, [ he laughs, bitterly ] original a fool's quest. It had been a hundred years, yet I looked for the better part of the last three and half. It was futile, but all I wanted was to please him and to go home, so I looked.

That's why I was so intent on capturing Aang. I just wanted to go home, and to make my father proud of me.

It took me a long time to realize that he was the one in the wrong, not me. I did nothing wrong. ...not that chasing you guys everywhere was right, but you get what I mean.

You're not a coward. You're brave. It takes guts to speak up when you think something is wrong, especially when you're that young. If your father can't see that, that's his problem.

[Her thumb brushes idly against his skin, lingering there]

No chasing us around was not right. [She's not going to pretend it was.]

But when you spoke up at that meeting, when you refused to fight, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm glad you can see that. You're so much better than he is.

[There was a time where she would of refused to believe it. After he betrayed them after Ba Sing Se she was convinced there was nothing redeeming about him. Because she was hurt and it was easier to be angry then give him the chance to hurt or disappoint her again. But she's worked through that now.]

Sure, you've made mistakes, but you're trying to make up for them. That's the difference.

[ zuko's hand slips down to circle her wrist, his fingers pressing against her pulse point so he can feel it beating against his skin. ]

I had to try even harder with you.

[ hopefully now she understands that the only reason he even sided with azula that day was in a desperate, last ditch effort to go home. he hadn't cared about what azula wanted or was trying to accomplish. he just wanted to go home, and he's sorry he threw her under the avatar-verse equivalent of a bus in the process. ]

You did. But you didn't give up.

[Which is important to her now. She understands now why he did what he did -- and he's more than tried to prove it was different this time. Especially with her. He could have just accepted she didn't want to forgive him but he didn't. He kept fighting to prove himself to her.

He fought harder for her forgiveness than anyone else's. She can't forget that.]

[ he reaches for the hand that's not pressed against his scar with the one that's not holding it there. ]

I wanted you to know that I was sorry, that I got it— I messed up, big. I know that, but I'm trying to make it right.

I was starting to think I'd never get you to forgive me.

I never understood why it was so important that I did. [She admits softly as her hand wraps around his in return.]

I mean, I know you wanted everyone to see you changed but you fought harder with me than anyone else to do so.

[Possibly because she was the most reluctant to forgive him, the most stubborn about giving him a second chance.]

Why did my opinion matter so much?

[ he regards her with a wide-eyed, alarmed look. zuko can feel his good ear going pink. it's a secret he's been guarding carefully since he realized why he cared so much about her opinion. ]

I— [ his fingers tense against her wrist and in her hand. ] It just did.

That's not really an answer.

[It is but it's not much one of. and maybe it's not right for her to pry and prod at him like this but she'd be lying if she said this wasn't something she's tried to figure out for a while now.]

Do you really need an answer? It's not that big of a deal.

[ so defensive, but it's easier for zuko to go on the offense to admit that he's been harboring a crush on her for a while now. maybe his quest for forgiveness hadn't started that way, it certainly got that point somewhere along the way. ]

It is a big deal. You could of just given up. Accepted that not everyone would forgive you but you didn't. There has to be a reason for it.

[She realizes maybe she should just let it drop -- but for some reason she can't. She's not sure why but she just...really wants to know why. Why her? Why did her opinion matter more than anyone else's?]

Trust me— [ his eyes drop to the ground, but his hand turns in hers and he laces their fingers together. ] You don't want to know.

[She squeezes his hand lightly as his fingers lace with hers.]

Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.

[ his other hand leaves her wrist. he mimics her actions and cups the side of her face, bringing his gaze back up. ]

Yes, it can. Because you won't like it. Nobody will. And it would never go anywhere, even if w— Even if it could.

I think I'll decide what I won't or will like.

[His hand feels warm against her cheek. It seems strange for them to be standing like this, so entwined with one another, and yet he still feels like he can't say whatever it is.]

[ zuko lets go of her hand so he can cradle her face in both of his. ]

How are you this blind? [ he laughs lightly, shaking his head. ] Everyone sees it but you.

[ who sits outside a girl's tent all night, waiting for her to emerge if they aren't more invested in what the person thinks about beyond the boundaries of friendship and camaraderie? ]

[Maybe she hasn't seen it because she simply didn't want to. It's not that she's never considered it -- but after Ba Sing Se she tried to forget that she might of ever thought of him that way. Even now as she's forgiven him --

And yet, as he cradles her face in his hands, as her own hand still rests on his cheek and she thinks about the kiss earlier -- it had gone much further than it needed to and things suddenly click.]

Oh.

[Oh? that's what you're going with here Katara?]

Oh. [ he mimics her soft tone, leaning forward to touch his forehead to hers, closing his eyes. ] Is that all you have to say?

[ zuko's half convinced he's about to be frozen to the ground or water whipped away, but he doesn't care. he's enjoying the moment. she knows, and she's not pushing him away — yet. ]

Give me a moment to process it, will you? [It's said more jokingly than anything else -- but it's sort of true. It's almost like a light bulb going off in her head where suddenly everything makes a lot of sense.

Why he fought so hard to get her to see him differently again. How he waited all night outside of her tent...how did she not see this sooner?

Other than perhaps willfully choosing not to. Aang's crush on her is burden enough. (She's tried to make it clear that she doesn't feel the same way about the Avatar, he feels more like a younger brother to her, but he doesn't seem to listen) Except this doesn't really feel like a burden at all. If she were upset or angry at this revelation she would have not only pulled away by now but yes, she probably would have iced him into the wall. But instead she lets her own eyes flutter shut as she lets out a small chuckle, more at herself than anything else.]

...Am I really the last person to figure this out?

I gave myself away a dozen times, but you never seemed to notice.

[ he lifts his chin, pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. for someone who's so standoffish and doesn't take kindly to people invading his personal space, zuko's awful affectionate when he wants to be.

and honestly surprised he's not a frozen heap at her feet, that she hasn't removed his hands or protested any of his words or actions— nevermind the confirmation he has himself convinced is unwanted. ]

Maybe I didn't want to.

[She's saying that part to herself as much as to anyone else. Because she's not upset at this realization, so she's trying to work out exactly what she does feel about it. Why she hasn't pulled away from him just yet, even though she probably should. She's not sure she's ever seen him be quite this gentle before.]

[ his hands dropped to her hips and he took a step back, ready to withdraw completely if she wanted him to. he was probably being too forward in his relief that she finally knew something he'd been kind of bad at hiding. now that she did, it was up to her what she ultimately did with the knowledge that the crown prince of the fire nation, a boy who attacked her and chased her halfway around the world, had somehow fallen for her — hard. ]

But now you do. [ frown? it's a very unsure sort of frown, as if he's frowning because he thinks she expects him to frown. ]

And now I do.

[And she isn't totally sure what she wants to do with that. There are a million thoughts in her head -- and in retrospect she wonders how she didn't see it except maybe she really did try actively not to. Even after she had forgiven him she still remembered how hurt she had been before. Maybe she didn't see the obvious because she didn't want to give him the chance to hurt her again.

Not that she expects him to betray them again, after everything he's told her today she knows for certain he would never do that.]

Zuko, even if I -- I think part of me might feel the same way but...

[She trails off for a moment. Aang's already struggled with activating the Avatar state because of his attachment to her, his inability to let her go. If she got involved with somebody else would it provide more distraction to him?

She can't be that selfish, can she?"]

You might?

[ his good eye goes wide in surprise. he hadn't expected that, though he can't exactly blame her hesitation.

reluctantly, he lets go of her and takes another step back. ]

I get it. This isn't exactly the best time. I'm bad at timing... among other things. I shouldn't have brought it up.

I might.

[She had enjoyed kissing him, at the very least.]

It's not your fault. You told me to drop it and I didn't.

[She had kept pressing -- it had seemed important, and it still does. But it's hard not to think about how it could effect everything else.

Not that it's her job to coddle Aang or his feelings but if she pursued something with someone else and it distracted Aang from what he needed to do -- how could she not feel responsible?]

Might's good.

[ especially since zuko never thought he'd have even a sliver of a chance, even without the complications that make pursuing anything with someone not suited to him kind of a futile effort. he might've left his crown and nation behind, but if this war ends in their favor and his uncle ascends the throne, zuko will be back in the line of succession, and will likely be looking at a political marriage that will best benefit the fire nation's reformed state.

but they could also die in the attempt or lose and wind up outcasts the rest of their lives, so taking in the reality of his blood ties into consideration is probably moot. ]

I did, but I can't exactly take that back. Unless you want me to. Then I can. We can pretend this never happened.

Open Mistletoe Shenanigans

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